writing in caps is fun

I’d like to take this opportunity to send a message out to a certain someone who shall remain anonymous- mainly due to the fact that I do not know his name, nor do I care to learn it. DUDE, GIVE ME BACK MY BENCH! I have been sitting on that bench from 8:30 to 9:00 a.m., Monday to Friday since the last week of June. That’s three weeks, buddy. My bench was the one farthest from the anthill across from the fountain. But wait, you know all this. Because you stole it. And it was totally premeditated. I’ve seen you in the park before, and I remember that time you came and sat down on the other side of MY bench, and then you had the audacity to comment on the weather. Excuse me for not having my guard up. I'm not an overly paranoid person, but maybe I should change that in order to save myself from these horrible situations that involve me sitting in unfamiliar territory dehydrating under the rays of the glaring sun, with ants at my toes. Bench-stealer. I strongly dislike you right now. Give it back, please.